Ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to be the best at everything I did. Now that I serve full-time at a church, well, that same drive still exists. What I’ve discovered over the years is that ambition is really a two-headed monster. One head drives us to become better or more effective than we are; the other tries to manipulate and “leverage” opportunities so that we can feel recognized and validated that we are “somebody.”

My own struggle has been this—which of these two motives drives me most? I can now honestly say that 80-95% of my drive is truly for God’s glory and the expansion of His Kingdom. However, I write this article because of the reality of the remaining 5%-20%. It is that wavering part of me that doesn’t want to die, that part of me that still likes the idea of becoming a famous youth ministry “guru.” It is that lingering piece that at times resembles the Pharisee who loves to sit at the head of the table. The part of me who wants to become a well-known author and speak in front of huge crowds. That part of me who wants to give God most of the glory and keep a little for myself.

I have discovered that ego and pride can easily creep in along with the excitement of seeing new people being reached with the Gospel message. Ambition is not only common, it’s insidious. After all, others authentically offer most of the encouragement we receive with genuine gratitude. That is why we must remain vigilant in watching for signs of the “ugly head” of ambition in our own hearts. How many more stories and examples do we need to hear about a pastor whose competence took him farther than his character could sustain. Henri Nouwen's states in his book, In The Name Of Jesus, “The leader of the future will be the one who dares to claim his irrelevance in the contemporary world as a divine vocation that allows him or her to enter into a deep solidarity with the anguish underlying all the glitter of success and to bring the light of Jesus there."