The Wii is a Plastic Box of Death
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
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So I'm missing my 360 while on this trip, and was reading in Wired a funny article on videogames helping kids become violent. Anyhow ... here's a clip:
I have an apology to make. In the past, I've made fun of anti-video-game lawyer Jack Thompson for his views on gamers, his rudimentary grasp of logic and the distinct scent of brimstone that surrounds him. I see now that I was wrong. So very wrong. Video games truly are nothing more than attractively packaged training devices for youthful violence, mayhem and nose-thumbing. What pulled me out of the sub-basement of denial and into the glorious, shining foyer of light? Well, I finally managed to buy a Nintendo Wii (or, as I prefer to call it, the Murder Appliance).JGSorry, I know that's not very catchy. It's hard to come up with a properly macabre pun on "Wii." "The Grim Wii-per" maybe? No, let's stick with Murder Appliance.
It takes only a few minutes with this gruesome plastic box of death to realize exactly how insidious it is. Every aspect of it is designed with one thing in mind: transforming innocent, wide-eyed, polite young people into slavering psychopaths.
Let's start with the much-ballyhooed controller. (Studies indicate that the Wiimote is the most ballyhooed video-game controller of all time by 3.5 kilohypes.) Is there any remaining doubt that it was designed expressly as a weapon? Nintendo needed to reinforce its control strap just to keep it from getting loose, werewolflike, and busting up all your home furnishings. To date, the remote has destroyed more than 400 television sets, 78 stereo systems, three bay windows and a monastery that was home to some exceptionally rowdy monks.
posted by Unknown @ 8:53 PM |
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